Being overweight can impact one’s dating life in a number of ways, which can be objective or subjective in nature. We’ve all heard at least one overweight person complain that’s the reason they’re single. Those of us who are or have been overweight may have thought it. At any rate, it’s never a good idea to learn the hard way that your physique isn’t the reason you’re alone. This has happened to people – making the effort to shed the extra pounds only to find you’re still struggling on the dating scene, if not more, because your expectations have increased.
The impact tends to be more emotional in nature. Many women and some men who are overweight struggle with their self-esteem, which reflects on all facets of their lives, but particularly on their interactions with the opposite sex (those looking for a partner of the same sex do not struggle with the issue of physique as much). When you have low self-esteem, this can be expressed in a self-deprecating sense of humor, the tendency to put yourself down, and to give priority to your partner’s needs over your own. This last one would surely make you more successful? It turns out to be quite the opposite. Some people will take advantage and dump you after one or few dates. Others will feel uncomfortable with you always putting out and pull away from the relationship. Either way, you won’t be able to boast a good dating life.
It’s one thing to be overweight and quite another to be morbidly obese. You are in the second category if your BMI is over 40. In this case, your dating life should be the last of your worries. Opportunities to meet others tend to be quite limited, at the very least to spacious areas with metal seats and benches. It’s double trouble if you meet someone of the same caliber. Above a certain weight, sex can be a challenge as well.
Granted, this is going to extremes. When people say “overweight”, they don’t have clinical cases in mind. Many of us could stand to lose 10 or 15 pounds, but if you decide to do so, make sure there is a rational reason for it and not an emotional one. In other words, your dating life will continue to suffer as long as you perceive yourself as somehow “inadequate” because of your weight or for any other reason.
Almost every dating site requires a pic nowadays. On those that don’t, profiles without one come across as suspicious. Granted, a picture is no guarantee the person’s character will be quite what you hoped for or expected, but people generally feel it is necessary, not least so you can recognize the person you’re going to be on a date with. Without further ado, here is our guide.
In other words, face only. This will generally conceal your body effectively unless you have a double chin or big rosy cheeks associated with fatness. If you are concerned about this, crop the photo to just below the chin or send a photo of your profile. Pics from the side elongate the face. For women, post pics with your hair down, covering the cheeks. There are also certain hairstyles that are more flattering to fuller faces.
How to Take the Picture
What if you’re chatting to the most amazing person and they suddenly ask for a full-length picture? It would seem odd if you refused. You can say you don’t have any, but that will give you only a few days or so to come up with a more valid reason. Ultimately, you’ll have to deliver.
This is an unpleasant situation to be in when you take into account the camera adds ten pounds, so you’ll look even bigger than you are. Your best bet now would be to send a picture of you standing at least 15 feet away from the camera, preferably wearing a long dress or long-sleeved shirt and pants in a single dark color. You could choose a group picture, where you aren’t the biggest person. You could also take a photo of yourself in a park or the mountains because attention will be drawn to or at least moderated by the beautiful natural surroundings. Alternatively, a busy urban setting will also work, or Photoshop.
And now, the best advice…
Go ahead and put a full-length photo on your profile so people will know what they’re getting. That way you’ll weed out all those idiots, to whom appearance is everything.
We overweight people are human beings just like everyone else with the same needs, wants, and demands. Far too often, we’ve been relegated to wallflowers at school dances – maybe even the prom – for those of you that did go. For many overweight women and some men, this wasn’t possible because we didn’t have a date and didn’t want to go alone.
The past is the past. We are adults now, yet…the dating scene is as nightmarish as ever. It’s the same issue all over again. Maybe you’ve even tried to lose weight to increase your chances of meeting Mr. or Ms. Right (in more rare cases). But that needs to stop – now. If anything, dating when hungry will have even direr consequences. Here, then, our top 3 tips!
This is the first and most crucial thing. It’s painful to feel self-conscious on a date. What’s worse, your date will pick up on it and start feeling uncomfortable himself. Not because he actually is, but because you’re projecting your discomfort on him. And vice versa, of course. Stop worrying and just be yourself. Nobody cares that you’re overweight, just you. If they’re looking at you, it’s probably because they’re jealous that you’re with some hunk who wouldn’t give their skinny a**** the time of day!
Order a full-course meal
Don’t be shy – go ahead and do it! Be yourself and eat however much you want. There’s nothing more depressing than girls picking at their salads on dates. The only way a guy will be happy to go out with someone like that is if he’s a cheapskate and will only be paying for your salad and glass of water. The best is to eat whatever you want on the menu and pay for your share of the bill.
Smile more, think less
A dead fish personality is the only real turnoff to a potential partner. If you’re feeling shy and not sure what to say, that’s the impression you’ll leave. It won’t do your beautiful soul justice. We understand social anxiety is hard to overcome and being overweight doesn’t help, but if you feel awkward, at least don’t show it and keep smiling. It would help to look up common small talk topics in advance so you have an idea what to say. Alternatively, you could go see a movie or do something on your first date that doesn’t involve primarily talking.